Graduation

Performances. Attending to relatives. Dropping off food. Packing, then delayed packing. Performances. Dropping off food. Attending to relatives. Graduation. More packing. A whirlwind week it was. I can now proudly say I am the mother of a college grad. Yikes!

Two weeks prior, my daughter had just located the new apartment where she would begin her post grad life. So, focused on moving, I was. And if there is one thing about me—I am focused. Sometimes it’s a benefit; sometimes a detriment.

Throughout the week, in between all of the above, I was researching, finding and hauling wardrobe boxes to her soon-to-be old address. I was cruising liquor stores for empty boxes, even determining when delivery day was to scoop them up. But finding the time to pack with all of the end of the year activities was a challenge. We found a few hours one day about 5 days before Move Day. That helped… A bit… Subsequent vacant hours did not arrive until 36 hours before M-Day.

You see, while I was focused on the move, my daughter, rightfully so was focused on the graduation—her transition. The run for this close knit group of BFA actors (20 had been accepted into the program) was coming to an end…not easy. But I didn’t really get that at the time. Sometimes when you’re too focused, too goal-oriented, in the moment you miss the obvious.

And so it was at 10:30 the night before my morning flight…which was also the night before... the night before…M-Day when we began to pack in earnest. Her Etsy vintage clothing store placed in wardrobe boxes with care, a running commentary about the Etsy clothes we should really keep, and a mental self-congratulations for snagging 5 wardrobe boxes along the way. Pulling out toiletries, filling up liquor boxes. Questions; what stays; what goes.

We were making progress. Then, around 11:45--

--Mom, you want to take a break with me and watch Ru Paul?

--No, just need to get this packing done…

--You don’t want to take a break with me while I eat my rice?

--That’s ok sweetie. You go ahead.

And just that quick. I missed it. I missed my chance to truly connect with my daughter.

In hindsight, would it have really mattered that she and her dad would have to spend an extra 30 minutes the following day packing? How much was actually accomplished during her break? But what if the break had turned into quitting for the night? And seriously, what would have been so wrong with that? In reality, the question should be what would have been so right with that? Instead, I was too focused on the task, the goal.

As toddlers, they scream for your attention. You can’t miss it. When she started grade school then onto middle school, there was a whole new level of tasks to be accomplished. At the time, I grew to realize I consciously needed to stop. To let go of the task. To focus on the connection. On the need for connection.

I’d forgotten.

Some lessons in life we learn over and over. It’s important to recognize when your child is asking to connect with you, whether she is a toddler or in her 20s. Whether it’s over ice cream or over Ru Paul. It’s important to take the time at the time. We know not what the future holds.

Patricia Nemeth received her Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Michigan (Ann Arbor). She earned her Juris Doctorate and Masters of Labor Law degree from Wayne State University School of Law. She is the founding partner of Nemeth Law, P.C. which celebrated its 25th Anniversary in 2017. Patricia decided to start a personal blog because she wanted to write about topics other than the law.